Too often we try to control our own lives. I know I am very guilty of this myself. I am one of those people who would rather do all the work myself than to trust anyone else to get the job done correctly. I especially have this problem with group projects at school. My fellow students know exactly what I am talking about. I will literally worry myself sick and do the whole project by myself if my classmates are not pulling their weight because my grade is on the line as well.
However, I am learning we can’t be this way with God. He is not one of our “fellow classmates.” He knows exactly what He is doing. This particular post will focus on relationships because this is where I see the issue more often than not.
We rush into relationships with the first person we actually like that shows us attention. You meet someone and it’s almost too good to be true because it’s been awhile since someone has shown interest in you that you actually like back. They’re saying everything you want to hear. So you take it upon yourself to progress the “relationship” before truly consulting God FIRST. And I’m not talking some little prayer for a couple days and then never waiting to actually hear from God. Once you get in the relationship, you start to pray for signs that they’re “the one,” but by that time, you’re already attached, connected and have already invested your entire heart. Now you’ve surrendered yourself and have become dependent on another human. You may not realize it, but you’ve just made a sinful human (just like yourself) an idol, a god. One that’ll never be able to “complete you.” When this happens, whatever signs God does send you, you tend to ignore because you’re so infatuated with this person, making it hard to see that you’re not supposed to be with them. And sex blurs everything even more. You ignore all the red flags, all the warnings. All because you decided to write your own story, instead of waiting on God.
So then you begin to alter the story to fit how you currently feel. You convince yourself that it was God’s plan, knowing you’ve been holding the pen the entire time. You make excuses saying you feel God sent you this person, but again, think about it. Did you ever really give Him the pen? Did you ever really seek God’s will? Or were you just happy to have someone? Fast forwarding some time, for various reasons the relationship may end or will end and you’re left feeling broken beyond repair. You’ve invested your heart, soul, and most intimate self to someone who has not committed to spend the rest of their life with you. They didn’t earn it, nor did they deserve it, but you gave it anyway.
There are plenty of articles you may come across that tell you how to get your ex back, or quick fixes that will help mend your broken heart, but nothing will be able to repair you like God can. I will tell you right now, jumping in another relationship right away to “ease the pain” or “feel loved” is a huge mistake. Not only do you probably not really like that person, but you’re going to cause them pain as well. If the time comes where you finally see a relationship is not right, nor is it glorifying Christ, be strong enough to let it go and turn to God for all your needs. Not to mention you don’t have a ring on your finger, so half the stuff you endure and tolerate isn’t even justified. You are not married. What are you constantly crying, hurting, and making excuses for? Your finger is bare. You’re giving them all the benefits of marriage with no lifetime commitment. They could wake up one day and decide you aren’t enough for them anymore and not have to pay one dime, provide one reason or signature (I’m referring to divorce). You don’t deserve anything less than God’s best. The lies (even the small ones), cheating, disrespect, lack of loyalty, sneaky behavior, and lust (and other sins) are all signs that you should pump the breaks and examine this thing. The whole reason for dating is to find a suitable spouse, but don’t think a ring will change their true colors or behavior. In fact, marriage enhances a person’s shortcomings (but this topic is another article for another time).
The loneliness you’re feeling, the hurt and the pain are all part of your healing. That hurt, God feels right along with you because He puts himself out there every. single. day. for people who constantly reject Him. Imagine the heartbreak HE feels? And the pain you feel is Him telling you to draw closer and cast all your cares on Him. Cry, scream, yell, and take as much time as you need to, because He really cares. He finally has you where He wants you: totally dependent on Him, not some guy or girl. Trust Him to know what’s best for you, trust Him to heal you, and trust Him to fill whatever voids you have. And He WILL do it. I am a living testimony of witnessing God’s healing process from a severely broken heart, and I mean severely broken, so I KNOW He’ll do it. When I totally gave my heart to Jesus, I began to see things differently. Everything I went through and am still going through (to be honest), I had to break down and rely on nobody but God. The pain won’t leave right away, but when it does, you’ll be able to see God’s power written all over it. This goes for your life plans and decisions as well.
Please don’t look at this and find one detail that differs from your situation and automatically assume this isn’t for you, because all situations won’t be the same, however the truth remains. This is not to say that the person you’re with now is not who God has for you, but 10 times out of 10 when sin is present and you feel uneasy, it’s not, at least not right now. Don’t make excuses. Don’t say “well we only sin sometimes” or “God lead me to be with them” when you know you didn’t even spend time with God, open his word or listen. You could totally and truly love this person, but that doesn’t mean it’s right. For right now, it’s best you spend some time apart and refocus on God and His will for you. Who knows, He may lead you two back together in the future when you can actually put Him at the center of your relationship. Or He may have something so much better in store for you.
Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (NIV). You must trust God and you must be patient. You may not see where He’s taking you now, but the end will be so beautiful. He wants to write you the perfect love story. You should want HIS best for you.
So whether you’re looking for relationship advice, encouragement, or a remedy to a broken heart, all I can tell you is to give Him the pen.
….and let Him keep it.
Recommended song – “He Wants It All” (Forever Jones)