How to Handle Being Put in the “Friend Zone”

“I love being friend zoned” said no one ever.

The friend zone pretty much has a negative connotation. So what is the “friend zone?” The friend zone is when you are romantically interested in someone, but they think of you as a just a friend. It sounds a little like when you’re talking to a girl you like and she responds with “aww, you’re like the brother I never had.” People hate the friend zone. People dread being there and it becomes almost like this “trap” you have to escape from.


I’d like to start by saying, sometimes we as Christian singles like to think of every person we meet of the opposite sex as a potential marriage partner. When we have this mindset, the “friend zone” seems like such a horrible place because “what if that’s who I’m supposed to be with?” lol. Linda listen, if it’s not happening then it’s just not happening. That’s all that’s to it. You have to look at things as they are right here, right now.

And brothers if you CLEARLY shoot your shot and she’s just not that into you, your life isn’t over, my man. (I emphasized the word clearly because some of y’all aren’t clear with women, then expect her to just catch your drift, but I digress—–future blog post maybe?)


Anyway, I saw a powerful tweet that read, “Ladies, not every man you meet in church is a potential marriage partner. Church is like a hospital. Some people are responding to treatment and some aren’t.” I was like WOAH! This is so true.

This equally applies to guys. Sometimes when we are so desperate to be in a relationship we start scoping out every person we meet. Not only is that a dangerous habit, but it certainly doesn’t reflect what “guarding your heart” looks like. Not to mention, when a person is not interested in you, it causes you to think you’ve been pushed into the dreaded “friend zone.”

I saw a post that said if you value having people of the opposite sex as friends, then you won’t ever be placed in the “friend zone.” This resonated with me. Do you value friendship with people enough to not automatically expect something romantic from them?

If you find yourself constantly being put in the “friend zone” or are trying to “get out,” here are some helpful tips for you.


Approach people with the assumption you can become friends from the start

When you stop looking at EVERY guy or girl as a potential marriage partner, you’ll start to realize every guy and girl ARE NOT potential marriage partners. Thank God for that. You shouldn’t automatically assume every person you meet wants you. That’s cocky and you’ll probably end up getting hurt if they don’t like you.

Value friendship with the opposite sex

I know some folks are going to agree to disagree with this, because some people believe guys and girls can’t “just be friends” (that’s another topic for another day) however, presuming guys and girls CAN just be friends, nothing is wrong with valuing that friendship. You do not have to be involved romantically with every guy or girl you meet. Appreciate the opportunity to get new perspectives on biblical topics. Appreciate the opportunity to gain more brothers and sisters in Christ.

Guard your heart

Proverbs 4:23 says “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Guarding and protecting your heart is so important. The desires of your heart determine your thoughts, words, actions and everything else. You’re going to constantly be hurt always seeking a companion. If you give your heart to every person you meet you’ll wind up hurt and even bitter simply because not every person is meant to have your heart.

Be complete in Christ

Know who you are in Christ and be satisfied with him. Know that he is enough. He will sustain you (Isaiah 46:4) Know that with or without someone by your side, God always has you and loves you. Your value doesn’t decrease just because someone doesn’t want to be with you. God already said you were fearfully and wonderfully made, so no one’s opinion can change that. Being put in the “friend zone” just simply means God has something else in mind. Thank him for always wanting the best for you.

Trust God

Trust that God can and will spark something with your future mate when the time is right. Until that time, live your life. Continue to thrive and be the person God called you to be. Serve at your church, serve your community, love others, support small businesses, read books, and cultivate yourself! Don’t complain about being “stuck in the friend zone” because that’s a waste of time. It doesn’t help anything. If you truly do want to be more than friends with someone and it actually hurts to just be friends, then maybe that’s not a friendship you should be pursuing. This goes along with guarding your heart.

We have to stop putting God’s power in a box that only our human minds can understand. He’s much bigger and more powerful than we think. He has the ability to match us up with someone when we least expect it, so trust him to always have your best interest in mind.

The only thing that should be placed in a box is that friend zone mindset. Take things for what they are, and be content with the season God has you in.

~Jordyn Austin



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