We’re getting started with a little teaser! This is a tiny article to jump of my new blog series “Women Ask Men.” I had several women who shall remain anonymous that had some serious questions to ask, and I am happy to say I had several men who were more than happy to answer these questions from a Christian male perspective! And let me tell you, these men came through with some FIRE answers! This is just the beginning of a wonderful series, “Women Ask Men.” We’ll roll out more questions starting next week! Enjoy 🙂
1. Are completely independent “go get it myself” women a turn off or intimidating?
The term “completely independent” means a couple things to me. What I would like it to mean is she has a solid and dynamic relationship with Jesus and a community of sisters so that she has no overtly “thirsty” desire for a romantic relationship. She has sisters that challenge her and hold her accountable as she does the same for them. She has a healthy desire to want to be a wife, but she won’t make idols out of men just to get there. A woman like that will lie to herself and her man just to keep him, and more than likely she won’t be her true self. That’s a dangerous road I’ve walked before; I’ll never do that again.
The other end of that is she is completely rejecting and denying her desires to be a wife and want a husband, as she’s constantly overcompensating for her loneliness with obsession with work, career, and extremely unrealistic standards for what she wants in a man. She also thinks she doesn’t need to change and is just as lost as the woman who idolizes relationship. A woman like that will not value me (or herself) as she should and will refuse to see the beauty in her divinely appointed role as a woman and helpmate, and that is just as destructive in a relationship.
What I don’t want it to mean is she is completely incapable and unwilling to accept help. She denies she has brokenness and will not let anybody into where she’s weak. A woman like that is unfruitful and at times unrepentant, and I’ll be squeezing grapefruits through straws just to get some type of connection with her on any type of intimate level. I can’t grow deeply with or honestly trust a woman like that, because when times get hard, she’ll rather shut down or run instead of fighting the good fight.
2. Are you opposed to a woman coming up to you starting a conversation first? Or does that come off as pursuit?
I’m not opposed to a woman starting a conversation with me. There’s a difference between dropping hints for me to pick up on and just flat out trying to initiate a relationship with me. A woman letting me know through subtle hints that she would like me to pursue her is her partaking in the journey of us getting to know each other. I wouldn’t want her to initiate, but she can give a green light. She’s allowed to be just as strategic as I am, and her being intentional but still wanting me to pursue and take the initiative is attractive, because I want to pursue.
What I don’t want is a woman to play games and act like she don’t know what she wants. What I mean is after I initiate, she then puts on a show and acts like she doesn’t want to be pursued, but then continues to drop hints that she does. That is way too confusing and too childish for me to want to take it seriously.
3. Are women with “attitude” as doomed as people say they are? Having a little sass is seen as a turn off, why?
Absolutely not. I actually love a woman with attitude, because that means she isn’t afraid to check me when I’m tripping. I need a woman with fire, otherwise she’ll be a pushover, and I cannot stand that. A woman like that won’t stand up for herself, let alone a marriage, and I need a woman who will fight off the enemy with me as well, not let them in the front door because she’s afraid of what they think. Now on the other hand, there are woman who are just flat out nagging, contentious, and downright disrespectful. The Bible strictly advises a man to avoid such woman, telling us it would be better to die in the desert than to be in a house with a woman like that (Proverbs 21:19).
In my eyes, they’re not doomed. There are plenty of men I know (me being one of them) who would love to be in that fire, so long as she is not disrespecting and demeaning me as a man, but speaking her mind. There’s passion in a relationship like that, and good passion can drive healthy intimacy. For a good amount of men, that’s how they want their relationship to look, but like I said, that has to be healthy. Constantly arguing and never growing is just as bad as not arguing at all, and stirring up unnecessary drama because you are insecure and reckless with your mouth is extremely unattractive.