Women Ask Men (Part 1)

1. Does a woman having a higher education than you deter you from pursuing her?

Personally, not at all. While I understand why some men find this to be an issue, I believe it to be a trivial thing. For many of us it messes with our pride in terms of how God created us in a relationship. A higher degree most likely means a higher earning. A higher earning most likely means being the breadwinner. Being the breadwinner means we (in our minds) cannot protect and provide in the ways that we want to.

This is untrue. A higher degree does not mean a higher earning. Some degrees may only bring in an earning equivalent to a high school diploma. A higher earning does not mean being the breadwinner. Making less does not mean your money is irrelevant. Many times, especially in today’s economy, both earnings are needed to survive.

For the men who do see this as an issue you have to show them otherwise. They tend to feel unneeded and unfulfilled. It is, after all, our God given duty to love you as Christ loved the church. He provided, protected, and sacrificed for the body and that is what we are called to as well. Allow them to do that. Show them you need them whether it be small or big, financial or emotional. Lean on them and allow them to see that money isn’t everything. That he can not make as much and still be the man he is called to be.  

2. Natural vs nappy. Is there a difference?

Yes I believe there is a difference. Natural is using the natural beauty that God gave you. Nappy is just leaving the house with whatever not combing or picking your hair. Stuff like that. I do think it still takes work to enhance your natural beauty if that makes sense.

3. If a woman has a bad “reputation,” does this keep you from getting to know her?

It can definitely be a hindrance. One of the biggest reasons why it is a hindrance for me is because a person who has given themselves sexually in that capacity will find it much easier to find themselves back in that situation. One of my biggest struggles is with lust and so being with a woman who could be a hindrance in that aspect is not conducive to my walk with God.

There is also an issue of pride that can come up for a man when it comes to the bedroom. Because our society has placed such importance on sex and because this woman has, at one point, placed the same importance there it becomes hard for us to believe sex won’t ever be an issue. We become fearful that we won’t stack up to past partners or that we simply won’t be able to satisfy in bed. That is something that scares us. We tend to take pride in that. There is also the issue of running into a previous partner. A disrespectful or sexually derogatory comment towards you can cause us to go over the edge.

This does not mean you are “tainted.” I have met “bad reputation” women who were more pure than some virgins I’ve come across. Your purity is not rooted in your sexuality. It is rooted in God.  I’ve dated a woman with a “bad reputation” in the past and I have also dated a virgin. If your heart has truly been transformed a good man will see that and will see you not for who you were but who you are.

4. Do men like women who can dress well, or does a woman’s fashion matter to you?
I personally like a girl that can dress well because I feel I dress well lol and we gotta be able to match when it comes to swag levels. Me and mines must slay!


5. Does fear of rejection keep you from trying to let a woman know you’re interested in her?

Absolutely! The fear of rejection is always present. I personally feel some women are unapproachable. The shade mixed with the ignorance and arrogance makes you unattractive no matter what you look like.

6. A lot of girls like to be shown off. It feels good. We like you to put us up on your social media every once in awhile. Is that so much to ask for? We know your social media posting doesn’t determine your love for us, but some guys don’t post about us at all. Should we be upset over that?

I think this is just going to be one of those eternal struggles for as long as social media exists. We really just don’t see it the same way you do. To be honest, I still don’t. In our eyes, if we show you consistently that we love you, that we will support you, protect you, provide for you, and guide you why do you need the world to see it? Our friends already know we’re together. Our families know we’re together. Our church(es) know we’re together. Who else needs to know? The random girl I had a crush on in 8th grade? A literal non factor if there ever was one? What’s the point?

Now don’t get me wrong, we will post if we feel it’s important enough to us. In my previous relationship I posted when we hit our one year anniversary and I posted when we went out to eat for Valentine’s Day because I hadn’t been able to do that for her for a while. There will be times when we want to post. We just don’t think we should do it nearly as much as you think we should.

You should work with us. I believe there should be a give and take. In my last relationship she respected me enough to allow me to post when I wanted to. We may have had one discussion about it but after that it only came up in passing if she asked me to post something. That’s a good way to go about it. In the one before her, she would get onto my Instagram and post pictures of herself and would pose as me talking about how good the relationship was. That is a terrible idea. Also, and possibly more important, I’ve heard a lot about how important this thing is to you but I’ve never heard why. Explain that to us. If a man doesn’t post at all then that should be dealt with. If he does then let him post at his leisure. As you are well aware, the frequency of his posts do not directly correlate to the amount of love he has for you.

7. Is it true that men are visual beings? If so, why do you think that is?

I do believe we are visual beings. And I believe that’s the way God intended for it to be. Hear me out lol.. the physical anatomy of a woman, as far as attraction goes, far surpasses that of a man. Even females can look at another female and say “wow she’s really pretty” but you don’t hear dudes saying that about dudes lol and it’s not just because we are too manly. It’s because women are designed to be beautiful.

8. What would indicate that a woman is the one you should marry? How do you know for sure?

This is a difficult question because of two reasons. I will answer both accordingly.

First, there is no real consensus among men for what tells us a woman is the one to marry. And even when we look for the same things conceptually what we look for in practice can vary to a large degree. For instance, we all look for a woman who seeks after God but my preference for how a woman does that is completely different from many of my friends. I also prefer a woman who is not afraid to speak her mind because I have a dominating personality and have the ability to overpower in a conversation not just with my voice but with my intellect. I need a woman who knows what God is telling her in her heart and won’t waver from that, regardless of what I say. Other men do not require that kind of woman. The best indicator is simply that she seems compatible for me in furthering my walk with God. We cannot see that unless that is your concern as well. So, in the way that God has called you specifically, follow after Him. Focus on Him. If He is the one who sustains you then He can send you a man who is compatible for you.

Second, simply put we don’t. We take it on faith. I’ve been in three serious relationships and in each one I thought that woman was going to be my wife. We do our best to follow God in our pursuit. The biggest thing to understand, however, is that the purpose of every relationship is not marriage. Sometimes God uses the relationship to prepare you for marriage later in life. Something I feared in my previous relationship (and initially preventing me from pursuing her) was the idea that my purpose in being her first relationship was simply to expose her to the possibilities of love, affection, and emotion that marriage could provide. That didn’t stop me from thinking that she would eventually become my wife. So, in short, you just have to trust us. And, in the event that it doesn’t pan out, trust that God knows what He’s doing.

9. Do guys prefer women who are laid back or women that are outgoing?

We definitely prefer an outgoing girl. If you’re too laid back, things can get boring real quick lol. But I think that goes for both sexes.

10. Does it matter if a woman is physically fit? Why or why not?

In my opinion it does not matter if your physically fit simply because the exterior isn’t everything. You can be fit with a bad personality and be unfit with the best personality. Mental connection outweighs weight 😂 see what I did there..



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