1. Should a Christian woman “put herself out there?” We are taught from a young age that men initiate and women respond, but these days, Christian men are getting very lazy with approaching and pursuing a woman, so should women start taking the reins?
I don’t know if a woman should put herself “out there,” but I do believe that a woman should let it be known that she is interested in the man. However, it shouldn’t be because the man is “lazy.” If he is lazy in his pursuit of you, then he’ll be lazy in his life with you. Godly men are always looking and examining the opposite sex as a potential mate, so it’s a good chance that he has already looked at and considered you.
The only thing you have to do is to make yourself known. Strike up a conversation with him and if he is interested, he will pursue. I believe in order, and even though Naomi told Ruth to be available in the fields for Boaz to see, it was Boaz who sought after her (Ruth 2-3). Again, if he is lazy in his pursuit of you he will be lazy in his pursuit of God, work, and overall life.
2. What does modesty mean to a Christian man? Some take it as far as the length of your skirt needs to come below the knee. Is that extreme? When you see a woman wearing a form-fitting dress, do you automatically pass her off as “easy?”
Modesty is more of a matter of the heart. Yes, it has to do with the external clothing, but it is more of a heart to fight for the holiness and purity of your brother. As men, we must think of how our actions (friendliness, etc.) can be taken as flirtatiousness to the women we serve. Just as men need to be mindful with their interactions of the opposite sex and how their actions can impact the heart of their hearers, women should do the same.
In 1 Corinthians 8:13 Paul says that “if my eating causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall.” This of course has nothing to do with eating meat, but it is about loving your brother or sisters walk so much that you are willing to restrict your freedom so that they can maintain their walk in holiness/purity.
This goes against everything that society tells us. We’re told that “we can do whatever we want, it’s not our fault that we have curves,” but that is not how the body of Christ operates. We operate on a different economy and a different set of standards. We are called to operate by the Kingdom of God economy which is about thinking of another before yourself (Phil. 2:3), much like Jesus who thought of us before himself while on the cross (Heb 12:2). Ladies, when you’re getting dressed – think of your brothers walk and if may cause them to stumble. Men, you may be around a sister who is not mature in this area yet, but it is up to us to “bounce our eyes” like in Job 31:1, so that you won’t be led into sin.
3. How can a woman let you know she’s interested and available to be pursued without looking totally desperate?
Most men who are really seeking Jesus and serving in ministry can often times get caught up serving and not see what’s in front of them. Start a conversation and he will judge whether he wants to pursue you. You can ask, but if he says he is not interested please don’t get an attitude with him because he rejected you. If you can’t handle that, then don’t step to the plate.
4. In what way does a Christian men expect his wife to be submissive to him?
For me, I just expect my wife to submit to me as respecting me to have the final say in the decisions we make (with her having the authority to voice her stance openly). And also to give me the room to make mistakes while leading because I will mess up at some point. Just having the visible respect out in the public that shows she submits to me out love as I do the same to God.
10. Do you think it’s acceptable to move in before marriage for financial reasons?
No. The reason is that you are giving a person unlimited access to you while maintaining a limited commitment. In other words, you are giving a man “husband privileges” with boyfriend level commitment. It won’t work. You may say that it’s for financial reasons, then why doesn’t he just marry you then? At that point, the problem is solved! If money is that tight, then you need to evaluate whether you two are ready to be in a relationship. The first thing God gave Adam was a job (Genesis 2) BEFORE a wife. If it’s that tight, then he may not be ready to provide. If he says he is but he isn’t ready to get married, but he wants to move in with you, then that means that you are on an continuous interview to be his wife with no end date in mind.
This is a common question that people ask.