Women Ask Men (Part 3)

1. Should a Christian woman “put herself out there?” We are taught from a young age that men initiate and women respond, but these days, Christian men are getting very lazy with approaching and pursuing a woman, so should women start taking the reins?
I don’t know if a woman should put herself “out there,” but I do believe that a woman should let it be known that she is interested in the man. However, it shouldn’t be because the man is “lazy.” If he is lazy in his pursuit of you, then he’ll be lazy in his life with you. Godly men are always looking and examining the opposite sex as a potential mate, so it’s a good chance that he has already looked at and considered you.

The only thing you have to do is to make yourself known. Strike up a conversation with him and if he is interested, he will pursue. I believe in order, and even though Naomi told Ruth to be available in the fields for Boaz to see, it was Boaz who sought after her (Ruth 2-3). Again, if he is lazy in his pursuit of you he will be lazy in his pursuit of God, work, and overall life.

2. What does modesty mean to a Christian man? Some take it as far as the length of your skirt needs to come below the knee. Is that extreme? When you see a woman wearing a form-fitting dress, do you automatically pass her off as “easy?”

Modesty is more of a matter of the heart. Yes, it has to do with the external clothing, but it is more of a heart to fight for the holiness and purity of your brother. As men, we must think of how our actions (friendliness, etc.) can be taken as flirtatiousness to the women we serve. Just as men need to be mindful with their interactions of the opposite sex and how their actions can impact the heart of their hearers, women should do the same.
In 1 Corinthians 8:13 Paul says that “if my eating causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall.” This of course has nothing to do with eating meat, but it is about loving your brother or sisters walk so much that you are willing to restrict your freedom so that they can maintain their walk in holiness/purity.

This goes against everything that society tells us. We’re told that “we can do whatever we want, it’s not our fault that we have curves,” but that is not how the body of Christ operates. We operate on a different economy and a different set of standards. We are called to operate by the Kingdom of God economy which is about thinking of another before yourself (Phil. 2:3), much like Jesus who thought of us before himself while on the cross (Heb 12:2). Ladies, when you’re getting dressed – think of your brothers walk and if may cause them to stumble. Men, you may be around a sister who is not mature in this area yet, but it is up to us to “bounce our eyes” like in Job 31:1, so that you won’t be led into sin.

3. How can a woman let you know she’s interested and available to be pursued without looking totally desperate?

Most men who are really seeking Jesus and serving in ministry can often times get caught up serving and not see what’s in front of them. Start a conversation and he will judge whether he wants to pursue you. You can ask, but if he says he is not interested please don’t get an attitude with him because he rejected you. If you can’t handle that, then don’t step to the plate.

4. In what way does a Christian men expect his wife to be submissive to him?

For me, I just expect my wife to submit to me as respecting me to have the final say in the decisions we make (with her having the authority to voice her stance openly). And also to give me the room to make mistakes while leading because I will mess up at some point. Just having the visible respect out in the public that shows she submits to me out love as I do the same to God.

5. Can men and women JUST be friends?
I believe men and women can be friends with limitations. As long as they both have an accountability partner/someone they can confess their sins too who is of the same gender. The time they spend together also has to be limited. The line can easily be crossed when they are spending an excessive amount of time alone with each other. They also have to be mature and honest enough to know what activities might be too much for their friendship. For example, if going to the movies feels too much like a date for either party, then they need to avoid doing that particular activity unless it is in a group song.


6. Your woman is supposed to be your “rib” and “help mate” what does that mean to you?
To me means that God has someone in the world to be a “suitable mate” for you to stand along side you. Not over stepping her boundaries as a woman either. It means the man is the man. The man does have a role as the head of the relationship, but the woman is to be along side fighting with, not in the “shadows” of the man by any means.
7. Do you have to be on the same “spiritual level” as your partner? If she’s further along in her Christian walk than you are, does that mean you can’t lead her?
No. BUT, if that person is completely new to the faith you have no business trying to begin anything with them. Their sole focus should be on building their relationship with Christ.
I struggle answering this second part to the question, there’s so many different factors that play a part to this question. I will answer it this way, no that does not mean you cannot lead her, because that is mans design made by God to be a leader. Spiritually, that relationship aspect is up to that person and Christ. So ladies if that man is not growing and is in a state of spiritual retardation, you leave!! Let that man grow with God and don’t be his distraction.
8. God wants purity. We all know that, and nothing has changed, but these days men are giving excuses saying they have “needs.” As a man, what has helped you combat that lie and stay pure until marriage?
The only thing that helps combat the lie of “needs” is the Holy Spirit within me. I am not saying that it removes the “want” but it makes things that much easier knowing that my pureness is between me and God, and I don’t want to break that with my own sinful desire. Christ will make that time with my wife so special because I honored him is also something that I have in my mind and it’s something to look forward to. I just have it made up that I want to do things right!
9. I love my boyfriend very much, but he isn’t that religious. I don’t want to force religion, but how can I get him involved?
Breakup. Period. This may seem harsh, but it’s the most loving thing I can say to you because you are living in direct disobedience to Jesus (2 Corinthians 6:14). You cannot make a person love God. The most you’re going to do is make him be okay with faith just long enough to have sex with you. I have literally heard every argument, but the word of God doesn’t change. God is consistent.
The rationale is because it is incredibly selfish to be with someone who doesn’t know Jesus. If you really love Jesus and He is the center of your life and he forms the very core of your identity and the only way a person will know you deeply is to know Jesus then how deep can you go with a person who doesn’t know Jesus? There will always be a part of you that they will never know, that they will never connect with. To connect with a nonbeliever, Jesus can no longer can be the center of your life. He can no longer be the “downtown” of your heart, He must move to the suburbs for that person and you to connect. This damages your relationship with Jesus and potentially with him. (I know I’m going to get a ton of flak for this)


10. Do you think it’s acceptable to move in before marriage for financial reasons?

No. The reason is that you are giving a person unlimited access to you while maintaining a limited commitment. In other words, you are giving a man “husband privileges” with boyfriend level commitment. It won’t work. You may say that it’s for financial reasons, then why doesn’t he just marry you then? At that point, the problem is solved! If money is that tight, then you need to evaluate whether you two are ready to be in a relationship. The first thing God gave Adam was a job (Genesis 2) BEFORE a wife. If it’s that tight, then he may not be ready to provide. If he says he is but he isn’t ready to get married, but he wants to move in with you, then that means that you are on an continuous interview to be his wife with no end date in mind.


The world even agrees that this is a bad idea. (see link)
If you want to have a successful marriage, DO NOT move in with your boyfriend. Endure the tough times knowing that this momentary light affliction is not worthy to be compared to the glory that will be revealed to us and through us (Romans 8:18).
This is a common question that people ask.

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